Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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