I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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