My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
