it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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