You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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