mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
