I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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