do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize