Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
