Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
