I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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