Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
