i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
