Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
