you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
