This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
