at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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