i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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