Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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