Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just found puke in my bra..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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