take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
