I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All the doctor said was why
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
