The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
