Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
