it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
