Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
