Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
