you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
