Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
