If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize