everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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