the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
