She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
