advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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