I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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