You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
