Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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