Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
