We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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