His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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