Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Randomize
