i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
