He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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