He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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