as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't deserve a penis
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize