you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
