i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
