people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
