On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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