He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
