I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
