Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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