she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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