He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
