arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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