if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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