I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize