If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
