i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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