Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
