The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
