How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
