just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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