My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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