mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
