5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You left your phone here
Wait...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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