You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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